Jump Starting the Universe by John David Buchanan

Author:John David Buchanan
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2017-07-13T19:01:49.867397+00:00

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

GLADYS AND GLADYS

Gladys Whittsner looked up into the sky above Zortian 7 and was overcome with a desire to travel. But how to get out there? That’s the key she mused? How indeed? Your typical transport at that time was good for cruising about the home place, but honestly, how far out there can you really get if your chariot only reaches an altitude of one half meter? The answer is invariably one half meter. In her memoirs Gladys discussed her thoughts about the percussion drive propulsion system and it seems she was not very impressed, not very impressed at all; in fact she was almost ungrateful actually. She conveyed her feelings on Page 38 as follows: Percussion drive is fine really, but by the time it could get me to Gengish Alludia I’d be 271 years old. Many have wondered why Gladys wanted to get to Gengish Alludia in the first place. It simply doesn’t seem to be the type of destination that sparks one’s creative juices does it? Nevertheless Gladys went to work on “a new blender” to use her exact words. All that particle induction rubbish seemed uncomfortably unstable to Gladys and she couldn’t imagine being halfway to Gengish Alludia and have to pull over and adjust nozzle apertures; not at 165 and a half years old (plus or minus two percent).

Particle induction propulsion system aside, Gladys Wittsner didn’t give up on her desire to visit Gengish Alludia, and maybe Qurtnv if she had the time. In the end she decided to return to her previous profession of hair dressing to make enough money to pay for a proper holiday, not just an afternoon at Icchy Beach, the local hole in the ground filled with water that had sand splashed around its edges. Gladys diligently filled out a Form 1040 –J which served two functions; first it automatically notified the provincial government so they could assess her job application tax, secondly it automatically submitted her name for every job for which she was qualified. Two days later Gladys received an odd message from the local university indicating she had been selected for the job in the physics department and should report immediately. She wondered why the physics department needed a cosmetologist.

Coincidentally, on or about the very same time Dr. Gladys Whisstner filled out her Form 1040-J as well. She was not at all surprised that she received a notification of her taxable event from the Zortian 7A Provincial Government. She was more than slightly surprised by the odd response she received from Betty’s Hair Emporium. Betty’s hand written note on soft pink Quidlid paper effused with the aroma of Darn berries notified her that she had been selected for the job and she should report immediately as there would be a run on chair space before the holiday. Dr. Whisstner wondered why Betty needed a cosmologist.

This was certainly not the first time the government’s automated job application system mismatched applicants and employers. Reformists are quick to point out that anything associated with a government tax has a high probability of affecting chaos.

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